hybrids

মনে রবে কী না রবে আমারে (Would you forget-forget me not )

I mean, remembering is a thought-process itself
There always is a chance to slip

মানে কিছুটা তো চ্যুতির খেয়ালে /////// I mean, just for the sake of slipping
চ্যুতি//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// slipping
ছুটি........................................................................oblivion
মনে না পড়ার থেকে / মনে পড়া থেকে=== from remembering and not
রবে কী রবে না থেকে ????????????????????????????? from would -won't you
উঠে আসা আদল ও ছাঁচ >>>>>>>>>>>> the shapes and the casts that grow

মনে সে আমার মনে নাই +++++++++++++++++++++++++I remember it not

frankly, either I don't remember
or
don't even want to think about it

When the spring terminates
you won't remember --
Ruminating bed-springs
Greening windows
Cat-tails
And the late blooming fall-flowers

It was supposed to be romantic
It always is supposed to be romantic
Without false lashes
Mascara
words
And those drop-dead zones of
Ethereal funk

And going back to the pottery-laden earth
I scarcely found the sand
I came looking for
Sometime anytime in past

When there were still horses and sunshine
Reed mats, straw hats, sunglasses, tanning lotions
And horses
In these lands
Making hay ...

মনে নাই

Nothing
should actually be there

We always move from where we started
and come back just to prove
that it is not the same anymore

things have changed
elements have stopped existing,
you are a no-you
me a no- me
so it never is a question of remembering
it was never

মনে নাই



আমার মল্লিকা বনে
১।
আমার মল্লিকা বনে
যখন প্রথম ধরেছে কলি
I guess, it’s alright to grab a beer
and not think
Or
think of
mortars and crayons
walls and lesions
and the muck and what is in it for the potter
Fingers
Relations
আমার মল্লিকা বনে
Fuck ! Fuck !
Where did that broken flower pot come from ?

I mean, stretch them as you might
do relations actually break ?

You watch the moroseness melting away
Into you in the mirror
Your left is my right
may I borrow what is left of you.

মানে, মল্লিকা বনে
Tying up your shoelaces is a hazard
You should be looking at the mirror
At the bud
what’s being nipped right now
Should talk to the IT guy
And the AC guy and
The milkman
And his cat
And
The threads
I am picking up
২।
আমার মল্লিকা বনে
The therapist said--
Gender awareness is vital
Now I am left undecided
whether my gender is aware of me

মানে, আমি তো স্বচ্ছতম দ্বীপে
দুপুর দুপুর রোদে আলমারি খুলে ছুঁড়ে ফেলছি
কংকাল ও তৎসংক্রান্ত চামড়া ও প্রসাধনীরাশি
আর আমার পোষা ধ্বনিগুলি
নির্বিকার উড়ে লুকিয়ে পড়ছে
সন্যাসিনীদের তোয়ালের ভাঁজে
এত মন্দ্র এত ঘেমো এত চিরন্তন
ঝিমুনি ছুটছে রগে রগে
আমি আর কোনো নিরাময়জনিত
অসুখে জাস্ট ভুগতে পারছি না

আমার মল্লিকা বনে

Aamaar mallikaa bone

The therapist said:
Awareness is not always physical
It may usually be subconscious
Again I am left wondering
Does my gender dream about me ?

Speaking of dreams
You can dream about what you dreamt
last night
I dreamt about a budding lavatory
In the gloomiest laalbagh slum
Radiating an enormous happy-pink glow
That has supposedly come with its
State of the art integrated air-conditioner
There, in a shower of
Divine urine
I discover something about my being
And my gender’s being

Pity, it’s all gone now
No traces, whatsoever

The therapist said—
You obviously will get used to them
These bungled transmissions
Woodworks and the facade of trees
The drums, the lousy front that
You put on
Adversaries and boats
Musky elevators that stopped carrying
gender issues
and tulip-struck nuns

মানে, মল্লিকা বনে